For the Love of… Unwarranted Anger

Well, what can I say? It’s absolutely perfect for my mood right now. In fact, I am in such a dark mood, I almost want to go on an epic rampage on the forums. I know I shouldn’t blame Twitter, nor should I blame my typing dyslexia, but fuck it. I am fucking pissed. End of story.

I was close to getting something I’ve been waiting all weekend for. Sure, you’ll say the weekend only just begun, well, fuck you. You have no idea. I’m ready to go on such a rampage, it’s not even funny. I’ve been too far behind on everything. I’ve been trying to win my roommate something I myself have already won. If you so much as even think, “well you already won something, let others have a chance” you better not say it to my face, because I will claw it off.

My roommate suspects nothing. She isn’t paying attention, either. But the fact that I was one click away from that damn prize, and the fact that my dyslexia fucked it up just gets my blood boiling and puts me into such a phase of anger I don’t even want to think about. Sure, I’ve been trying to deal with my anger, but when shit like this happens, I am allowed to be as I am. My lovely book said so. I am allowed to be a little pissed off here and there. I am allowed to rant and rave in a “safe” manner that affects no one around me.

GAHHHH I know this is “for the Love of…” but right now, I love my rage. I love the feeling that I could kill something with my bare hands right now. I won’t act on the impulse, but the feeling is unlike anything I’ve felt in a long time. I haven’t been hit by stress lately. Maybe this is God’s way of telling me I need to rant a little, scream a little, but not hurt anyone. Well, God, I’m not. Even though I’d love to. Even though I want to go and claw people’s faces off just for looking at me, for telling me someone else got what I wanted. Oh you lot have no idea.

I guess that’s it for today’s “For the Love of…” post. I think I will go back later and laugh at this, perhaps delete it before referencing this site to any professionals. Perhaps not. Maybe they can see then that I am in control even when I am angry. Until next time, Snape_Redeemed out.

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~ by HelixRook on February 26, 2011.

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