Today I find myself…

Wanting to write more than I’ve wanted to in a long, long time. I just published, moments ago, a new page, for a new poem, in which I wrote. While it’s nothing spectacular, at least in my eyes, I can’t help but feel the need to put down to paper (or in this case, down to internet ink) things that are coming to me.

I want to write of the visions I see in my head, of the dense forest in which I travel, of the plains in which I run. I want to write of the mountains I see, ever in the distance, never coming closer. I want to write of the wind in my hair, of the feeling of freedom and beauty that courses through my body. The sense of accomplishment, of desire, of elation and joy. I once wrote a letter to a teacher, saying how I was lost on those plains, ever running towards something that I never came close to. I wrote of how I was depressed, and fleeing some invisible demon behind me, and how my goal continued to change each and every day, each and every moment, into something new. I was on the plains, then in the forest. Then I was in a snowfield, then on an ice rink. I was dancing on a stage alone, then reading in a deserted room. Everything changes in the visions, each time I see them. The lighting, the props, the goal. Some days, when I am fleeing, I know what pursues me, other days, I know nothing other than something is coming after me.

Today, I feel a mix of the forest and plains. I’m not sure what it means, but I know that’s what I see. Maybe it’s an interpretation of my feelings, something I can never really explain. Or maybe they are just places I want to be. I’m seeing a lake now, with mountains and trees. The lake is reflecting the mountain, and is unnaturally smooth. There is a wind that doesn’t disturb the surface, yet here I am not afraid. Here, I do not feel pursued. Here, there is comfort in the silence, and in the loneliness. What do these visions mean? Where are they going to take me next?

I want to know, yet at the same time I don’t. I fear them. I fear what they mean, and what they might cause. I fear where they will take me, and where I will find myself next.

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~ by helixredeemer on March 24, 2011.

2 Responses to “Today I find myself…”

  1. Wow…At the start I was reading, and at the end I was in awe! Maybe it seems silly that I’m so thrilled about your writing…but honestly! Ah, no wonder you’ve been published love.

    – ShelbyBlack
    xxx

    • Not quite published, but what I am working for. I mean, Young Writer’s Society was pretty brutal, so I took down all my work from there, and posted a few on here. Still, I keep getting hit with a million and five stories at once, including fanfictions and several legit novels. I don’t know if I will get published fully though. I am hoping, though.

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