My greatest weakness

You know how you go into an interview and you are asked, “What is your greatest weakness?” Well, I’ve got an answer for that many wouldn’t consider a weakness.

You see, my greatest weakness is my loyalty. I am loyal to a fault. You see, my devotion is so great, and I am so loyal, that if you don’t show me the same level of loyalty, respect, or devotion, I will hold it against you. I will always remember what you did to me, and I will use it as an excuse for something I may do in the future to you, either directly or indirectly.

My loyalty is also one of my greatest assets. I know that can seem pretty strange, but believe me when I say that it is a weakness and a strength. You see, while I may hold a grudge due to disloyalty directed at me, I will never¬†intentionally betray or be disloyal to another, assuming they’ve earned my loyalty. I will do everything in my power to cheer them up, help them out, make them smile, make them happy. I am so devoted in my loyalty that I will back the person up in a heartbeat. While I may question why sometimes, I will usually back them up without a second’s hesitation.

If I can’t find someone who is loyal, I usually ignore them. Take Friend A. Friend A told Friend B that I was saying back things about Friend B behind her back (a lie). When I confronted Friend B, who was ignoring me out of nowhere, she said that her “source” (i.e Friend A) was taking back what she said, saying “Well, maybe it wasn’t Snape_Redeemed.” Heh, disloyalty shown right there by Friend A. While I do still talk to Friend A, I do so cautiously, knowing that she spreads falsehoods to my other friends, and thus I cannot trust her.

Trust is another big strength and weakness of mine, which goes hand in hand with loyalty to me. I lose faith and trust in people easily, probably because of IT, and what she did to me. If I lose that, I have a very hard time staying friends with those people. With IT, we ended our friendship bitterly, and I’ve since been struggling with my anger and grief over that lost friendship. With others, we just don’t talk like we used to. People say it is a part of growing up, but to me, I know a large part is because I didn’t make an effort in keeping the relationship alive, most likely due to a betrayal, act of disloyalty or loss of trust.

For me, I also tend to blame God on things like this. You see, I blamed God when my “friendship” with IT failed. I blamed him for all the terrible things that have happened to me this week. I blame him when I am upset and cannot find a cause, when things aren’t going the way I planned it. I’ve been trying not to, but it’s hard, really hard, especially when two weeks ago I had the greatest day of my life as far as I can remember. It’s frustrating, and nearly impossible not to feel like that. I know God realizes I am sorry for blaming him, but I just can’t seem to help it sometimes.

I guess that’s all I feel like sharing today. Snape_Redeemed out.

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~ by HelixRook on April 21, 2011.

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