Goodbye Chapter 1… Lavender’s Heartache

Lavender walked across the hall, not quite capable of seeing others around her. Tears filled her bright blue eyes as she wandered unknowing of her own destination. She knew her best friend Parvati Patil was somewhere nearby, but Lavender was incapable of even looking for her.

So much pain, she thought. So that is why they call it heartbreak. She clutched her chest hard and fell to her knees. Students around her avoided her; it was almost as if they were expecting her to collapse. It was the fifth time that week that she had in fact collapsed in the hallway. Her sixth year was hard enough without having to deal with heartbreak. But alas, there she was, collapsed once more in the hall, crying over a boy who preferred another girl.

She felt a pair of arms clutch her shoulders and someone helped her up. They were dragging her out of the hallway and out into the open air. Lavender’s body racked with sobs and she couldn’t even make herself look up. The person set her down on a bench, and then sat beside her, waiting.

Once she was sufficiently calm, Lavender looked up. Beside her stood Seamus Finnigan, his sandy colored hair glittering in the sunlight.

“I-I’m sorry,” she hiccupped, attempting to dry her eyes hastily on her robes. She glanced a peak up at Seamus, who gave her a small smile.

“There’s no need to apologize,” he said, putting his arm around her shoulders again. “Everyone needs a good cry every once in a while.”

“Th-they do?” she asked, giving Seamus a small, watery smile.

Seamus nodded. “Sure, why not? We’re all human. We need breaks, too, and food, oxygen, friends, you know. We need a lot just to survive. If we didn’t allow ourselves to cry every once in a while, where would we be?”

“Dry?” Lavender joked. Seamus laughed. Why did I not keep things going with him? She thought. We do well enough together.

Before Seamus could respond, however, a rather cold voice from behind them interrupted. “Shouldn’t the pair of you be in class?” Lavender flinched and looked up to see Professor Severus Snape standing there. He glanced at Lavender’s eyes and turned his gaze to Seamus, as if he couldn’t stand to see tears.

Seamus looked up a little defiantly. “Can’t cut class for one bleeding day?” he retorted. Lavender shot him a warning glance that he ignored.

Professor Snape gave him a cold smile. “That has earned you a night’s detention, Finnigan. And you’ve both earned a detention for skipping class. You’ll have detention together tonight after supper. Enjoy your free time while you can.” Professor Snape swept his cloak around  as he turned and left the pair of them.

“You know, I am a little surprised he didn’t send us to class as well as give us a detention,” Seamus said. He glanced around, then pulled Lavender by her elbow. “We better go before McGonagall shows up and gives us another detention for missing class.”

Lavender smiled more brightly and walked with Seamus up to the Gryffindor common room. They sat for the period, talking and catching up as they hadn’t done since their fourth year. Lavender was mentally kicking herself for breaking things off with him. This is how fun it was last time, but then you had to get all uptight and call it off, she chastised herself.

Seamus’s thoughts seemed to be in the same frame of mind, for he said, “Remember back in fourth year when we went to the Yule Ball together? You know, catching up now reminds me of that.”

Lavender laughed. “I was just thinking the same thing,” she said softly.

“You know, I never want to see you unhappy,” Seamus said unexpectedly. Lavender blinked. Seamus nodded his head. “You should have seen that Ron would bring you heartache, though. He seems way too close to Hermione for just mere friendship.”

Lavender looked down. She hadn’t wanted to hear that, nor admit it to herself. He’s right though, she realized. I should have seen how close they were. Even as we were getting closer, we were getting further apart. He was close to Hermione for so long, I guess I was just trying to push her out.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that,” Seamus said, looking at Lavender’s face. She looked up and smiled sadly, but would not allow herself to cry this time.

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…. I shouldn’t have ditched you after the Yule Ball. I was leading you on then, because I didn’t want to be alone at the ball. I even am sorry for pushing myself so hard onto Ron. I mean, I should have known that he liked Hermione. I guess I just wasn’t secure enough with myself that I would allow him even to look at other girls while we were going out.” Now that she had started, she didn’t know that she could stop herself.

“I should’ve just stuck with my basic instincts and been open to the possibility that he might not have liked me as much as I liked him. I mean, sure, Hermione can be really pretty when she puts in effort, but I’m fairly certain that I am prettier than she is on a day to day basis.” Lavender flinched slightly. “You know, I think that was too cruel.” She glanced up at Seamus, who seemed at a loss for words. “I’m sorry for blurting this all out on you, as well.”

Seamus blinked, then shook his head lightly. “No, you needed a good talk. You needed to get your feelings out. That’s another part of being human. We need other humans to hear us out when we need to talk.” He beamed at Lavender.

They were sitting close on the couch. Lavender hadn’t realized how close they were to each other before that moment. When did Seamus get cute in my eyes? She thought. She subconsciously leaned forward and saw Seamus did the same. They were closer now than they had ever been. She tilted her head and Seamus moved closer.

The bell echoed across the grounds, causing both of them to jump. Lavender felt a blush creep across her face, and she stood quickly, leaving Seamus on the couch. She fled to her room, threw down her books and jumped face down onto her bed. I almost wish he could follow me up here, she thought. She felt tears fill her eyes once more, but not from the heartache that Ron Weasley had given her. She cried for herself, for being too afraid to allow Seamus to kiss her.

Why are relationships so hard? She cried to herself. I haven’t even really said goodbye to my love of Ron.

Slowly she sat up in her bed, felling all cried out. Her gaze became a little dazed as she stared out of the window onto the grounds. She thought of Ron. It was doomed to fail, she thought. Then she thought of Seamus. I wish I could say that we have a future.

Lavender Brown smiled at her reflection in the window. Time to face the music, she thought. She turned and strode out of the dormitory, and into the common room. Seamus still sat where she had left him, but his back was turned to her. Her smile widened and she walked quietly up behind him.

Hearing her approach, Seamus turned his body. Lavender moved herself forward and kissed him. She pulled back after a moment, grinned at Seamus, and went back upstairs to get her things for her next class. Goodbye Ron Weasley, she thought. Hello, Seamus Finnigan.

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~ by helixredeemer on April 24, 2011.

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